In the end, only kindness matters
January 4, 2026
I met the twice-homeless, self-made billionaire John Paul DeJoria at our first Lead with Love Summit in 2016 at Aspen Meadows.
He was a guest and an unknown to me, but moments after meeting him and his radiant and gracious wife, Eloise, I invited DeJoria to be a speaker at our event the following year. He was that compelling, passionate, authentic, and articulate. And, he did present at our Lead with Love Summit in 2017. During his talk, he spoke about forgiveness. I remember my dad, a frequent attendee at my events, telling me how impactful it was to hear his words. DeJoria’s talk helped motivate my dad to reconcile with a family member he had difficulties with. He marveled at the simplicity of what DeJoria suggested: “Just let them be right.”
I think most of us have some grudges or people who have wronged us in small or big ways that we struggle to forgive. It is not an easy task. According to DeJoria, it often means admitting you’re wrong or don’t know even when you fiercely think you’re right and do know.
“Just tell them they’re right,” he said at the 2017 Summit. “Let them be right. Then let it go, and move on.”
I’ve learned from my own studies in Spiritual Psychology that righteousness is a hallmark of the ego. Letting other people be right, so you can move on and be at peace is a tactic worth exploring. This quote often attributed to Nelson Mandela says it all: “Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” We end up killing ourselves by holding on to resentment, bitterness, and righteousness. Mandela knew that, and he showed us it’s possible to forgive even the most unforgivable.
I enjoyed reading what DeJoria wrote about forgiveness in an article in Inc. magazine in 2020: “Clearing your mind of negative thoughts is crucial. If you’ve been holding a grudge against someone, forgive them and move on. Just say, ‘That was yesterday. I cannot change yesterday’s newspaper. I’m not going to let it bring me down.'”
DeJoria added, focusing on the future will immediately improve your outlook: “It’s amazing what happens,” he says. “Something lifts off your shoulder, and the negative isn’t as strong as it was before. This is an amazing thing that doesn’t cost anything.”
I met the singer/songwriter Jewel last year when she played in Aspen as a benefit for her charity Inspiring Children Foundation. She spoke of her tough upbringing and also being homeless for a stint before she was discovered and became a super star. Back when I was in high school, we could all sing the words to her songs. The line that still lingers for me from her hit song “Hands” is, “In the end, only kindness matters.” As I age, I see more and more what matters, and it’s not being right — it’s being kind.
One of our family traditions on New Year’s Eve is to do a ritual of reviewing the past year, honoring the learnings and sharing memories and releasing what no longer serves through a process of writing it down and burning it. I’ll admit, I’ve burned a lot of the same qualities and characteristics over the years, so it may seem this ritual doesn’t work, but I think it does. Each year, as I set my intention to release judgment, self-doubt, fears, and insecurities, I remind myself of my true nature and the guiding principles and values that I believe in and want to live by. After our kids were born, I started a new ritual of writing down and posting on the wall in our home my personal and family values that I intend to live by.
On the top of the list is kindness. I need to add forgiveness. Often I think we focus on the aspirational qualities of the things we want to live by like love, compassion, and generosity and forget to take the steps to remove the barriers to those things naturally occurring in our lives. A daily practice of forgiveness, acceptance, and letting go allows the radiant kindness and loving of our hearts to shine bright regardless of what someone else does or says.
We are in an era that requires us to amplify our love and courageously forgive lest we become what the algorithms destined us to be. The bots are programming us to feel separate and to hate each other, wasting precious, precious life on blaming, resenting, and scrolling when we could be celebrating in awe and wonder the magnificence of life. For me, 2026 is about reclaiming the resplendent gift of life and the pleasure I get walking by the creek each day watching the water flow by, imagining all that I am letting go of and all the beauty that remains.
This post originally appeared in my monthly column in The Aspen Times.
